We are now at Nonni and Poppi’s house. We got up this morning, and Evan wanted to come, so I decided that I didn’t mind. We had a nice evening yesterday all to ourselves, but it is a lot easier to have help with Nathan. I did a lot yesterday (taking care of Nathan, cooking supper, washing dishes), but today I am kind of feeling it. I did actually feel useful yesterday, though, and it felt good to have a little bit of normalcy.
I know that most of what I am feeling is just normal, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I woke up this morning just feeling empty. You don’t realize how much you think about your baby throughout the day, especially when you are constantly feeling him move. And I continue to find reminders; I couldn’t even balance the checkbook without crying because the receipts just made me remember how such a short time ago I was pregnant and happy. I can’t even look ahead because everything I was looking forward to was wrapped up in Nicholas. I was really excited about Christmas because we were going to have to stay home, and it was going to be our first Christmas to stay at home and start our own traditions. Thanksgiving was also going to be spent at home because I would’ve only been three weeks away from my due date. We were going to be buying bunk beds, a double stroller, and a minivan. Ha
In other news, Nathan’s personality is coming through loud and clear (loudly and clearly?). Evan and I were sitting at the table eating lunch yesterday, and Nathan was going back and forth between the living room and kitchen. Then he just walked in the kitchen, made a loud grunting noise, then bent over and began doing his “fake” laugh. Evan said later that it is almost as if he knows he is being funny, almost like telling a joke, and he expects everyone to laugh. I said I KNOW he knows he is being funny. Is this normal? ;-) ha He walked into the viewing room at the funeral home (I was struggling emotionally), laid on the floor, and turned on his side to watch the other people walk in the room. THEN he got up and went around to people and laughed (his fake laugh again). Of course, no one can keep from at least smiling at him, and I flat out laughed. Others had warned that I might not want him there because he might act up (which he didn’t; he behaved like a 1-year-old), but I wanted him there. I needed him there. Okay, I feel as if I should stop now. This whole post looks whiny. J
I know that most of what I am feeling is just normal, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I woke up this morning just feeling empty. You don’t realize how much you think about your baby throughout the day, especially when you are constantly feeling him move. And I continue to find reminders; I couldn’t even balance the checkbook without crying because the receipts just made me remember how such a short time ago I was pregnant and happy. I can’t even look ahead because everything I was looking forward to was wrapped up in Nicholas. I was really excited about Christmas because we were going to have to stay home, and it was going to be our first Christmas to stay at home and start our own traditions. Thanksgiving was also going to be spent at home because I would’ve only been three weeks away from my due date. We were going to be buying bunk beds, a double stroller, and a minivan. Ha
In other news, Nathan’s personality is coming through loud and clear (loudly and clearly?). Evan and I were sitting at the table eating lunch yesterday, and Nathan was going back and forth between the living room and kitchen. Then he just walked in the kitchen, made a loud grunting noise, then bent over and began doing his “fake” laugh. Evan said later that it is almost as if he knows he is being funny, almost like telling a joke, and he expects everyone to laugh. I said I KNOW he knows he is being funny. Is this normal? ;-) ha He walked into the viewing room at the funeral home (I was struggling emotionally), laid on the floor, and turned on his side to watch the other people walk in the room. THEN he got up and went around to people and laughed (his fake laugh again). Of course, no one can keep from at least smiling at him, and I flat out laughed. Others had warned that I might not want him there because he might act up (which he didn’t; he behaved like a 1-year-old), but I wanted him there. I needed him there. Okay, I feel as if I should stop now. This whole post looks whiny. J
No comments:
Post a Comment